Picture taken from kiddie's blog; (I want biceps! Hahaha)

Okay so while waiting for the water to heat up, Ive decided to update this assy blog of mine. Hahahaha - Not funny eyy -_-" RIGHT! SO. Yesterday I went to "Kampung Jawa" with the family. First we ate and then went on for the search for the cloths. Okay lemme tell ya something, searching for "kain" is not that all easy. Espeacially when you have sooooo many to choose from. Finally we settled for one and so this year Raya, this family is gooooooiiiinnnggg: HAHAH not gonna say :D

After that I went off to Bedok for my interview :D And guess what? I GOT IT! Yeay. Hehehe and my first lesson's gonna be next thursday, i think? Yeah. Okay I hope i wont laugh went my students call me "Miss Lyn" Hahahahah ouh man. Im gonna be sucha wacko teacher, that i can predict. Gd luck to me.

So after that went to b.c to meet the others. Okay so i wanted to go home earlier but end up decided i had to wait cause they wanted to sing shukur a bday song since it is his birthday. (Eyyyy no fair man. EVERYone is like turning 17 already -_-) Sooo we sat like chickens and waited till 12, when it was 12...... TAdAAAA! Hahahah the funny part was we were "screened" cause obviously Fifi's makcik complained about us. Well technically it was shukur that got asked cause he was the oldest cause why?? HE JUST TURNED 17 LIKE 2 mins before that -_- hahahah pity pitttyyy. At least the police understand and told us to change our venue. Made our way to limbang, 7 diamonds(boring as hell) and then home.

So Happy 17th Shukur, one more year till a legal Licsense -_-". Study hard and dont do stupid things.

Okay i need to shower now; AND i did showered in the morning already.

Where do i go from here? I feel so lost. The thought of starting a whole new education experience in an entirely different atmosphere is definitely scaring the wits out of me. Well im sure its going to be a blast but having to adpat from 10 yrs of Stupid "classroom" to a whole new type of education system is well i just cant describe it. I for once, am not good in anticipating change. Changes like these usually gets me sick in the gut. Hahahah well I am not THAT independent, when it comes to things like this; I need sought out guidance :D

And btw; Inside? It still hurts like hell. Why? cause I still find myself lingering in the shadows for memories of you. Yes it sucks to be me. BUT EH! I can say that being single is an AWEEESSSSOOOMMME thing! Why? Cause ladies I tell ya, you can look at all the decent cute and hot guys out there! Muahahahahah. There is absolutely no one to cast a judgement on that fact, why? Cause hell yeah; YOU are S.I.N.G.L.E! You can go out and come home at ANY time you want to (except if your parents has a curfew for you then thats too bad). You can be stupid and crazy and dont have to care what people thinks of you. You get to be all wacko with your COOLIO guyfriends and you can do ANYTHING you want too. Yeap the perks that comes with being a single.

But hey, doesnt mean being attach is a bad thing. Its nice too. Why? Cause you have a very nice special someone to share all those wonderful things that life has to offer with. Isnt that nice? Well obviously there are more perks but I just dont know what else cause I aint got that "other half" yet. So I dont exactly know what else to say. Heeee. But i do remember one thing, you can be sooooo god damn frustrated with something but whenever you think of your half; all that frust will just wane away. (comes in handy when you're in my shoes right now ^_^)
Now? Im slowly turning my back to you. And when my back's completely turn, it'll never come round again; ever.

OOOOkkkaaay. So attached ladies? Just enjoy and treasure what he has to offer. OH! And most importantly, love him for who he is. Cause he'll definitely love you no matter how horrible things turn out. And to the single ladies? Enjoy what life has to offer and stop searching for love, cause love will only come to those who wait and appreciate love's love. And that is; Life, which! is given to us by Allah. So LOVE IT! LLOOOOOVVVVEEE IIIITTTTTT!!! Okay so i had my moment of righteousness. again. hehehe. Lyn, lyyynnn. You think too much. STOP IT! Not healthy okay? Now im talking to myself -_-" Ouh and west coast with the peeps was AWEESOOMEE! Happy Birthday Mira! and of course Nunu too ^_^. OI! I wanna be seventeen ALSO!!!!

Does the thoughts you still evanesce my frusts? yes it does; I just want so badly to move on. Cant.

I still have no idea why i have such "kembang nose" and really huge eyes. And fyi, the "kembangness" of the nose is automatic okay. So please folks, stop telling me to NOT expand my nose cause I have absolutely no clue at all when and where it will "kembang". It comes with my reactions i suppose. And if you'd notice I for once, AM someone FULL of reactions. hahahaha. SO beWARE! hahah -_-". My eyes? I just love them. hahahah. so huge and round, just like my face -_- hmmm.. okay enough about features.

Okay so this is so random cause you know why? Its 5.56 am and i still havent shut my eyes yet. Stupid I know. But what to do? I have soooooo many things to prepare. heheh. Ooo and to my coolio peeps who are definitely waiting for pictures. Im really sorry for the delay but here's the thing. The stupid email wont allow we to upload all 150 compressed files so i'll have to think of another way. so sooooooooooooooooo sorry.

And one other thing; FCUK! Since being on medication, I've noticed myself to be pretty jumpy most of the time. I have no idea why but yeap. I keep throwing my anger on people. Soooowwwweeeyyy :D Not my fault ok? Blame those pills. They SUCK. And Mael for the last time, they are not "gula-gula" eh.. Tkmo anyhow eh.. Hah okay I have nothing else to say and I really want to get some shut eye right now. Seriously. Like Now. ZzzzzZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz get it?

Hahah; Is that all? Nooooo

I love taking walks all alone during the wee morning hours. Why? Cause there's usually no one around and the morning/night breeze always loosens up the tension going on inside me. While walking about, i realise somethings. Although somethings are still amiss to me, but still after taking it in slowly about what pan said. I guess he was right after all. (hey i didnt know peanuts are so nice. hahah) So what if things are going so bad here for me. So what if im blah blah blah. So what if i got my heartbroken so badly. What matters is what the mind thinks. If the mind says it so, then the whole body would certainly go along. I know very well that things here are pretty prrreeeettty bad. With people anti-socializing themselves and pointing fingers at each other, WAIT correction. POINTING FINGERS AT ME. Yeah thats true.

I've decided that i have had enough of fretting and frowning and crying. All i want is to have my life back. I want my life back even before "you" happened. I cant always hesitate on moving on. If it was meant to be, it was. Although it hurts a little bit to see you most of the time and i have to pretend that there is absolutely nothing going on. But still time has taken its part, and moving on must be an option. No matter how badly i dont want to move foward. I guess i have to no matter what the situation is. And if things at home are so revaulting, then i have every right to shut up and not bother about it all.
Thanks Pan;

All life's a maze and time surely does falls away but these small hours will always remain;

I had an awesome time today with these wackos. Well obviously there are more pictures to be uploaded but I'll do 2 first and the rest some other time when I dont feel a little less like shyet. Okay everything today was nothing but perfect except for the fact that i feel like shit inside. Seriously, i have no idea why i felt so "jelly-like" towards the middle part of today. I guess it all started after i started to cough my ass off. Then shortly after that started, i ran to the toilet and gagged out "transparent vomit" plus a little bit of erm 'red'. Okay after that then i started to feel soooo weak. I even had the urge to collapse on the side of the pathway and sleep there =.= Woah. I was really tired man. Okay even now im still tired AS HELL. But when you have insomnia, you cant sleep NO MATTER how tired and lethargic you are.

Now there is defintely a reason why I feel like shit now. Well that reason leads to me not having the "umph" to upload the rest of the pictures.

When one thinks of nothing but his or her problems, one slips away from the world and will slowly be drawn towards the fatigueness of giving up WHICH will eventually leads to giving up everything that he or she loves and treasures. And this is where the word "depression" sets in. One will sink into deep DEEP depression and he or she will be kept farther away from the world. After that, there is only one possibly "HUMANE" way for one to get out of this shit hole. Either stand up to everything or give up and give in, which will lead one to have TB because he or she has kept too much inside and as a result, it burns everything inside. Here is where he or she will have to choose between Fantasy and Reality. Either one stays in Fantasy and indulge oneself with obselte illusions and lies, keeps on denying the obvious. And that everything is in fact not true. Or face with reality and have one's heart battered and brusied. And keep on trying every single day to be rid of all those issues. He or she cries oneself to sleep every single day and take in all those dissonant emotions and keep it in. As a result, one gets sick and gets TB. One feels so empty and shrouded with sorrow that crying is the one solution that'll bring back the pea to the pod. One now has to choose, Fake faaake fantasy or bitter reality.

Day in and day out. All i could do is sit and think of nothing else BUT my issues. Peple say that I think too much. But does it help that I cannot do anything BUT think of them. I dont neglect them just like that. I made soo many mistakes and Im sure as ever that i really regretted of doing so. Everyday i pray that all of this was a lie and that i dont actually posses all of these so called issues. Everyday i pray that "that day" never happened and that everything was still perfect and my picture is still a whole. Everyday i pray that my life was a big lie so that I can change the truth. Everyday i pray that i dont have this sickness. Everyday i pray that i would be strong enough to overcome all of this shitholes.

Thank you yan for the ear :] I know that you have always been my punching bag and that no matter how bad my issues have become, you never stopped being my punching bag ( and i mean literally my punching bag, hahaha ) Thanks dude. At least I know that someone do apprectiate my presence in this damned planet. Your gf is one lucky babe :D And im lucky enough to be your un-related sister. hahahahah.

And everyday i pray that i will never stop thinking of you even though i know very well that you dont think of me at all;

Okay folks listen up. Today is gonna be one really AWESOME post. Hahahahah. Naaaaah kidding. OKay last start with what happened yesterday. Went to RP for enrolement with Afifi and Syahir and his mum. So met at ard 11. Blah blah.. did all the paperwork and stuff. Here comes the unexpected part. Okay so Afifi and I were like walking around the Laptop roadshow and he went to ask this "kakak" about the installments thingy if we wanted to purchase a laptop. So after a few questions, we got really keen into it and decided. "EH?! Cm boleee je. Cpat call our parents!" Or something like that hahah. I cant remember. So after calling our mummmeeehs. They agreed and we signed up for the installment plan and queued for THREE GOD DAMN HOURS. Blah blah blaaaah and TAdaaaa! We left RP with 2 big recycled bags filled with a brand new notebook :D ( Padehal bile masok RP, "eeeeeehhh siak uh, stress siol. semue dh beli laptop.") Hahahah yeah right.

And here comes the AWESOME PART!! When i said AWESOME i wasnt kidding. Mehehehehe. Post first then pictures yeah? Okay so lets start from the top. First met Farhan at Yew tee at ard 230 and made our way to Pasir Ris. Otw, met with his cousin and then off we go. The train ride to Pasir Ris seriously took like FOREVER -_-" I cant stand long rides. Buhhh. K so when we finally arrived at PasirRis I told Farhan about the Meet and Greet passes and we became more enthusiastic. Its like adding more chilli to an already spicy gourmet. WOAAHH. Okay so went to BK to buy our meals and ate outside D'Marquee. Hahah okay the funny part was that we actually thought that the crowd was going to be pathetic cause we didnt see and "outstanding" people on the way there. And the queue wasnt that long when we arrived. So we waited and waited. OUH YEAH. There's this really realllyyyy Extremely CUTE GUY in red and blue shirt. Seriously, he's like sooo sweet. Hahahaah I think its the smile and the small eyes. I was like "Farhan! Look at the cute guy" or "Aiyooo Farhan cute giler sak dekni!" every single time he caught my sight. Mahahahah. Okay lyn very "gatal". Hehehe. Eh i wasnt the only one scouting around for gorgeous people. Eh peanut? Hahaha. Soooo when we finally got in, we immediately rushed to the front and got ourselves a good spot. Which was like only inches away from the stage. We wanted the Hoody but it costs a whole lot so canceled. Anyways, the whole concert was delayed like 45 mins but no matter cause why?? Guess what. the opening act was;

A VACANT AFFAIR!!!! YEAAAAHHH!!!! Hahahaha and i was like JOSHUA!! I LOVE YOU -_-". So they did a total of four songs and they were.. AWESOME!! And after that, the moment we've all been waiting for, the crowd was like chanting the Band's name. Andddddd.. BOOM! They kicked off the set with You better pray and everyone started moving and moshing. Both of us were like seriously squashed in between people. Here and there people were like screaming and screeching.

Now dont lie to me to say that this dude is just sooo awesome!

RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS PEOPLE

The songs they played were as such; You better Pray, False pretense, (I cant rmmbr this one), Cat and Mouse, I think it was Pen and Paper or Damn regret, Face down, Your guardian angel and The Grim Goodbye (My fave :D) I seriously loved the last song cause thats when both of us join the mosh circle. The people were NUTS! Seriously! And i didnt really imagined that i would actually participate in a mosh crowd that was this violent. Omg. no no nooo. but i did and the result to that isss.. TONS and TONS of Bruises all over my body. I was kicked, punced, STEPPED ON (imagine that) and knocked on the head by Farhan -_-", well the works! And i think i even have the map of Singapore planted on the back of body. Its like seriously there. You can really see the outline of black and blue. I think i seriously lost myself in the midst of all the brutality. Its like one blow to the head and poof! I was lost. Okay enough chat. Time for the meet and greet!

Isnt' he just soooo cute? :D (and i look so smelly -_-")

The coolest dude ever :D

The shibby drummer :]

He's a security Guard but he's like HUMONGOUSLY HUGE!

The Bassist and Drummer

Group Photo :D

Okay Overall I had an AWESOMELY TERRIFIC TIME! It was seriously awwwweeesssooome. I had fun, i got to punch and kick people and i got hugs from one of the hottest band folks. Hahahah I couldnt wish for a better Tuesday then this man. Well I guess i was seriously happy that day. I didnt fret nor complained. Neither did i thought about any of my insanities. All i thought about was to have a ball of a time with one of my greatest guyfriends. Thanks peanut! Hahahah. Oh yeah dude you owe me some pics :D I hope you got to release as much as i Did. All i can say is; I HAD AN AWESOME TIME! (k i cant stop saying awesome here) ^_^V

How I wish i could sit on a swing and swing all my troubles away. Unfortunately when you're turning 17 and you're me; problems don't just swing away from your life. What to do, what to do. So many different ways i've tried. Yet, every single one of them failed to make me feel whats the word? Ermmm.. Thats right "happy" again. No more "ecstatications" for me no longer. I want to laugh and mean it. I want to make stupid jokes and actually laugh at them cause no one usually does. I want to talk all the time and make people wonder at how much i can actually talk without stopping. I want to eat soooo much so that I dont look as if i conceive drugs. I want to wake up every morning and actually say to myself that, "Hey I love my life and no amount of money in the world could be set up to it"

Too bad now, I just want to get out of this mess! I hate it here! I would give anything to trade my life for another. ( Okay actually no; Im just being impetuos here. bare with me ) I soooo wish for a strong up-right being to be right by my side now. Someone who would say that things are okay although it clearly seems otherwise. Someone who would say that he'll stick by me no matter how brutal things'll get. Someone who could make me feel all better after a bad flict here only by saying; Things'll get better cause here I am, and all that matters is you.
Guess what? That'll never happen. Looks like i'll have to go through this the "Human way"

The "human way" means the real way in fantasy. Whereby i've always been busy endulging myself into. Now i know that fantasys and me dont go well hand in hand. It only exsits for a brief moment of time. I dont belong to that group of people where life is always peaches and creams and that problems are tiny specks of dust that you could just blow away. For me, my problems are huge boulders that i'll have to push away slowly, one timid push at a time.

Okay look, on a little brighter side; I've won myself a pair of tickets to watch Red Jumpsuit Apparatus Live :D Okay now there's something for me to grin about :DDD Now wait, another thing is. Who the hell am i going to give the other ticket to? -_-". Brother? He'll be at camp. Or sheek? Mayb i'll give it to peanut, since he's the one who hasnt asked me ever since ive gotten those tics in my grasps. Pan, you want? Hahahahahah. Or maybe i'll just do it the fair way. "EINEY MEENEEY MIINENEEEY MOOOO!"
I've got to get a grip of myself!!!! Okay Im working later -_-" and not at westmall but the other job at Suntec city. Oh my damn.

Youre not the worst of my problems now. I have bigger troubles;

I'm tired of always not being able to sleep at night and having my own insomnia problems. I'm tired of not being able to sleep just because my mind is always full of unsettled thoughts. I'm tired of not being able to sleep just because my mind is full of thoughts of you. I'm tired of not being able to sleep becuase I am always thinking of ways to figure everything out. Figure out about whats really happening back then, and right now. About wether what they all said was true. Which by right are probably 90% true. Why? Cause people dont normally lie about this sort of things. Which I dont think these people would want to lie either because what came out from their mouths, really caught me till the deep end. Its not funny at all because I sure wasted a lot of tears for that. It has been only recent that crying is no longer a stranger to me. Crying is the only thing that I could rely on.

I'm tired of trying every single minute of my life now just to piece back these broken AND missing puzzle pieces. I no longer have any idea on where to look to get those pieces back together as a whole perfect picture anymore. I've run out of temporary excuses for myself, that all of this is going to be worth it in the end. I've run out of reasons to lie to myself anymore just to keep you alive inside of me. I am sick of having you randomly popping up in my head and then disappear whenever I get snapped back into reality.

I swear that if you lift my chest to hear my heart beating, you'll hear the ocean instead of the beating. There's no one there but me.

Just when i thought things got better; it took a big coner turn for the worst -_- FUCK YOU!

Okay actually not everything is sucky right now. Heheh. First up, yes since im still updating from my room so this means im still here. Yeah, still high flying in Singapore. (well now i regreted for not going -_-) But the festive for the "going" was nice though. The food, the people, Well thx anyway. And even if i'd go, a lot of people seriously have no idea that i'd left. No goodbyes, no nothing. Now thats bad.

Next, Saturday went for one last jamming right before the audition for the next day. So it took quite some time to get the effects set to the right one. And after that, my keyboard fell -_-" (people, woodlands jam studia is haunted), not only that, the drum was not stable and it kept on moving and moving. The crash fell, the symbol toppled. It was awful. But still at the end we did one last set.

So when Sunday came; i woke up at 945 and was like "WTF! LAMBAT!!!". OKay so i rushed myself and was about to leave the house when bob called. Bought the sardine and peach tea, waited for him downstairs and met up and off to cck to meet fendi. Okay hahahahah, the time that we were suppose to meet was 10.30 and guess what? Hahah some came at 11.30 and the rest even better, after we went ahead first, the rest were suppose to meet us there by 12.30 since our slot was 12.40 AND they all arrived at 12.45. Wahahahah. Well like they said, "Last minute heroes maaaahh". Audition? heheheh it went okay except for the sound control and stuff. Hmmmm.. The judge with the purple shirt loved us :D

After that we left the building praying hard that we'd pull through. Well results are on the 8th of march. Headed on to O.C to meet up with Nisa and into ljs. Some ate while others sat and stare. After that Ajul treated us 7 eleven. Thx :] Then Zul and Nisa went off and the rest headed of for pool. I learned pool :D hahaha -_-"

Went of with bob first and sat home all the way till 10 plus till harith msged. Met him and acap at yew tee and off to vending. No one was there -_-". After acap left, it was only 2 of us left and we were like "duuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh -_-" Walked here, walked there. ouh and farhan? why in the world u sleep with the window opened? you are one brave dude man. Yeah k so went to 7 eleven and bought the cookie. And we settled down under my void deck. Sat and talked till like late. went home and ate and sleep. okay done;

you one stupid asshole -_-"