Now i realise that i frown more then the usual smiles. Why the hell?

There have been times where i miss being able to smile at anyone i see and show off these freakishly large cheeks of mine to them. I wouldnt care wether they wanted to smile back or what. What matters was i that i could share with them how happy my life was. That was why i smiled or laughed for no reason. I miss drawing thick eyeliners because i felt like it. I miss "inflating my nose" for fun in public just for the thrill of it. And making people laugh by just laughing.

But now, i dont see the need to smile at random people because i dont have the mood to. Since there is nothing happy about my life to share to people anymore. I dont smile or laugh for no reason no more. I dont draw thick eyeliners no more. I dont inflate my nose no more. Why? All because im not in the right mood or i just got out of a very bad fight from home. The squabbles between them. The unreasonable rantings from them. The always "blaming lyn for my own mistakes cause im too stressed out and other people deserve my stress" thing. Or the "im so damn stressed at work cause my job sucks and i want to stop work and start a new career as a LOWLIFEASSHOLE" kicks in. Or even worse, when the "im so fed up with all this shit so lets just sell this house at a very low price cause its recessions period and i dont care about the loss im about to recieve because im making rash decisions now" thing.

Now whenever i leave the house, i'll have to hide my enormous eyes with specs just to cover up my darkcircles that are rapidly forming due to my lack of sleep. -_-" Now tell me why the FUCK is there any reason for me to smile or laugh for fun?? And to add up? I probably did the biggest mistake of my life by agreeing to let go something soooo _________. Yeah. Im a doofuss i know. The biggest damn doofuss there is. GOD i just feel like taking that flight ticket on the 27th and run away from all this shit. There is seriously no where else for me to confide to. No where but here, cause i know people wouldnt normally read the entire post. Do they? Fuck.

Would belgium be a good idea? hell yeah it is. But it wouldnt be right to run away. Still, the temptation to run is so huge right now.

Few words that i can think of that simply describe me now;

dejected, desolate, dispirited, down, downcast, downhearted, dull, dysphoric, gloomy, heavy-hearted, low, melancholic, melancholy, sad, spiritless, tristful, unhappy, wistful

Okay that's it. cant think of anymore. Woah i never knew that one word can be chained onto another and another and another. All of these simply = Depressed. There simple.

I've been a little bit on the moo2 side lately. Okay fine not a bit, a lot okay? yeah. Why? Let me ask you. Why so nosy? Hah okay. right, now im talking to myself. Answering my own questions -_-". This really shows that im really going bollocks! Anyone care to give me therapy? But i wont pay you. Hahah. Just think of it as helping someone who always laugh and that now? It is as if her laughter was stolen or something like that. So she's only asking for anyone to give her back her laughter. Baaahh.. wth, she doesnt need help. She's an independent being. Always have and always will. She can get it back on her own. i sure hope so;

Okay want to know something stupid that i did? I burned all the songs that ive written :D Ohhhh..... Isnt that cute? Now im all out of songs. And i cant remember any of them. EXCEPT one. One very erm, personal and *DEEP* song. Hah. Okay now i realised that i did something so moronic -_-". Since i cant light something else... i light up my entire songbook :D And now i cant stop listening to this song that is on my blog. "Us against the world by Christina Millian" If only i have the guts to do so; i would acoustify this song and erm. Naahh i'll probably be too afraid to sing it to.

Im still waiting 4 orders to come in. Out of all the agony, i bought a total of FOUR items online :D but the thing is, none of them has reached me yet -_-" AND i wanna go see RJA~ go go go! Now the only thing left, is to get the tickets. heh.

Lemme just say, today okay meaning yesterday; was one of the erm SHEYTIEST day of my life. Now that EVERYONE has known this ONE thing which I totally resent others from doing so but ACTUALLY i myself am doing it; *siigghhhhs*. I guess this means i have to stop, WHICH i think i offically did like 4 hours ago because seeing the look on everyone's faces. Sorry yan, i know youre like one of them who's like majorly disappointed. The others? I dont know. OKAY OKAY OKAY I KNOW I KNOW. NO MORE no more no more.

-_-" now that aside. I ate so much today. Lets list down the dishes; First went to eat at Brickworks with family and i ate Mee Kuah plus 2 other things earlier which i cant remember. Then after that, met yan and fhiez at void deck and proceeded on to yew tee WHICH i bought a mcspicy meal AND nasi goreng kampung. Also bubble tea. Altogether i ate the about 3/4 of the mcspicy since i shared it with everyone and 3/4 of the nasi goreng kampung.

Woah thats a total of 5 MAIN dishes in less then 3 hrs. Oh my god??!! EH I eat when i get stressed up -_-"

So i guess we are really moving. But to which destrict? That is not confirmed yet. Both my parents have got it all wrong. They really think that by;
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
OKAY i have enough of seeing or hearing or repeating what is happening behind these walls of my house. Everything is going so damn bad. Its like a total CHOAS. And whats worst? I AM FORCED to be the center person and EVERYTHING is pushed to me. wtf? Dont they have at least the integrity to just admit their mistakes which has become the root of this thing thats currently occuring here. hello? Im the kid here? you guys are the adult. Get real please.

and that is the reason why i turned to those;

What i did on my friday; okay wait, firstly 2 secrets of mine got out. One is told by someone, welll the other? I simply just show it to everyone. cause seriously, its getting harder for me to hide this second secret. OKay the first one wasnt suppose to get out, since it already has.. omg.

Lemme sum this up real quick; Today was an "okay" day.
Okay done -_-"

What is today? Well folks its the 14th of Febuary and to most people its known as Valentines Day. Yeaaaaaaahhh =_=" A day of so called "love" awwww so sweet. Nottt.. BUT for me, it's yet just another date that happens to fall on a Saturday and town will definitely be crawling with couples.
Hahahaha! wanna know the funny part? Im known as cupid, the so called "love-angel" but hey sorry, this little angel aint so good with love. So apparently this cupid is a love-less angel. Woaaahh, why in the world i picked cupid? Since im cupid? Cupid cant strike me.. ouhhh mann.. Okay now im just blabbering to myself.

Happy 14th of Febuary to you folks and
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BOTH MY GRANDPA AND AQMAL!!! :D

you are always the first person that comes to mind everytime i wake up in the morning;

Heyyo. So brother just left for Brunei and he'll be gone for a whole TWO GOD DAMN WEEKS :[ Have a safe trip to and back asshole. Please dont bring back UNNECCESSARY items or things or whatever it maybe. Eheh; but do bring me back a nice lil souvenier :D

Why the hell was my eyeliner so thick? -his fault

I have absolutely no idea that the morning breeze is just so nice up till now. Its 8.31 in the morning and im already up and sitting at my balcony watching MTV and having the window opened up wide so as to let free breezes blow soothingly in ^_^ and me here updating so randomly about unrelated winds in the morning -_-" Im goinng crazy here and no one knows.

Dad is almost getting serious about moving again. He said he wanted to try Teck Whye area and i said, "if you want yaya to grow up to be like a pathetic low life bitch whose hobby is rebeling at everything you and mom says then go ahead and be my guest". And then he said he wanted to try woodlands, and brother said, "what the hell?". And then he said what about choa chu kang, and both me and brother said, "whats the point of moving then if we're just moving a few bustops away -_-". And then finally dad said, "I guess yew tee's blk 601 is a good place to stay". I bet its not going to be too long before dad brings up this matter about moving house again. I guess im gonna have to find out more about other neighbourhoods and the stench on them. Muahahahaha cause I SO dont wanna move. Why? here's why ;

Number One: I'll have to pack ALOT of stuff into boxes and that'll mean Dust and trouble. (Im allergic to dust in case you're wondering)
Number Two: Im gonna loose ALOT of stuff because I am SURE i wont be able to remember where i've placed them.
Number Three: I have already gotten myself attached to this freaking neighbourhood and leaving yew tee is just gonna be too much of a hassle.
Number Four: We'll probably gonna move far away and that means i wont be able to sneak of to yew tee CC's carpark at night anymore.
Number Five: Well number five is a personal reason. So just be aware that there IS a reason number five. Okay? yeah.

So I've given my reasons on why i dont wanna move. By giving reasons doesnt mean im being a knocked up-picky-spoilt-unreasonable-bitch. By giving reasons doesnt mean im not agreeable with the suggestion. Giving reasons simply means I have my own perspective that I'd like to share. It means that im just using my brain that was given to me. It means i know how to think and im not just some mindless bimbo that just sees an "apple" and says that its an "apple" just because a few people says it is so.

See now im posting like some know-it-all and I've most probably irritated a few readers already. Hahahahah im just trying to sound obnoxious for a change and i realised that its so god damn tiring being obnoxious. Woah i wonder how'd they do it? hmmm?

Since my previous post was all about my Fck-ed up feelings, so now im gonna blog for real. Hahahaha. Okay okay okay lemme see;

Lets start with what's happen so far. Okay so I was posted to Republic Polytechnic under the SIT course which is Integrated Digital Media. Hahaha looks like this family's gonna have an endless line of kids doing game-related courses in polytechnic. Bwahaha what's so ironic bout this entire thing is that i use to laugh at my brother for being in the course he was in at NYP last time and NOW I MYSELF am gonna undergo the same process that he went through -_- bummer. Naaaahh what the heck. AND since then, i've been receiving endless comments by common stereo-types saying that blablabla this this that?? -_- common man. Cut me some slack people its still a GOD FORSAKEN DIPLOMAAA!!?? GOSH! People and their stinking "tabloid-manipulated" views. Ooookaaayy now im almost talking like them. hmmm? that would suck soo much. Okay now im just talking crap.

okay so i realise that yew tee has so much to offer its residence here. Hahahaha. Why? cause the view at night is simply breath-taking! Thats right, move to yew tee. Heheee. Serious shit. hahahah.

Okay time check; Its 5.52 in the morning and its either I woke REALLY early or that I have not slept yet. So take your pick. DUHHH -_- its obviously the fact that I cant go to sleep. There is simply NO WAY that I would wake up from a sentimental slumber this early. hahahaha certainly not someone by the name of Lyn. On another note - I've realised that all my updates are like during the weee~ hours of the morning. WHY? The answer to that would probably be because my brain functions better during this timings OR im just plain lazy to update. Heee :]

OH YEAH! Who the HECK claimed that there isnt a single star that would appear around Yew Tee area hmmm? Well sir/ma'am (whoever you are) you're most certainly WRONG. Hahahahaaha why is that so? Cause Ive been out to the Cc carpark and I tell ya, Stars are practically spurlling all over the sky at night. YEAH! And to add on, the moon is in a considerable view amongst these stars. Mahahaha well so much for your "there are no stars in YEW TEE!!" theory. Heeeeee~ :D

Well here it comes;
I seriously have no idea where to place myself anymore. I've been patient and modest with you since the moment you start to change. You go out and search for "money" despite the fact that there were so many things that needs your so called attention. What the hell is wrong with you? Its like you push everything to me and better yet you BLAME me for all the things that YOU did wrong. Why cant you ever see that you're wrong and that other people are right?? The world does not exist in you being right all the time. I am seriously through in being YOUR puppet. Please realise that your time of "jollyness" is over and that you ACTUALLY have a HUGE RESPONSIBILITY waiting for you to tend to at home. And I am VERY CERTAIN that it is definitely not meant for me. Issit so hard for you to see ME live my life out the way a proper teenager my age should be? Instead YOU yourself live the life which was SUPPOSINGLY TO BE MINE and neglect YOUR duties. I cant stand here and see you change no more. I cant sit still while you manipulate your life with FUN and PARTY and RESPONSIBLE-FREE. Its just not okay for me to keep covering for you anymore. Cant you see that Im being the adult here now? and that YOU are turning to the HAVOC TEEN?? Please lady, realise that you are missing out on so much right now. Im not saying its wrong to go hippy-ish BUT dont go till you flush everything behind.

I HAVE A LIFE THAT NEEDS TENDING DO YOU KNOW THAT?! I dont mind doing chores and helping with the folks. BUT please, have some dignity and admit what you've done all this while. I already have enough thoughts clouding up my mind and I certainly dont need your selfishness occupying it. I have my own issues too.

A tree that has lost its leaves; Im only waiting for those leaves to drift back to my branches
WHICH probably wont happen.