Now i realise that i frown more then the usual smiles. Why the hell?

There have been times where i miss being able to smile at anyone i see and show off these freakishly large cheeks of mine to them. I wouldnt care wether they wanted to smile back or what. What matters was i that i could share with them how happy my life was. That was why i smiled or laughed for no reason. I miss drawing thick eyeliners because i felt like it. I miss "inflating my nose" for fun in public just for the thrill of it. And making people laugh by just laughing.

But now, i dont see the need to smile at random people because i dont have the mood to. Since there is nothing happy about my life to share to people anymore. I dont smile or laugh for no reason no more. I dont draw thick eyeliners no more. I dont inflate my nose no more. Why? All because im not in the right mood or i just got out of a very bad fight from home. The squabbles between them. The unreasonable rantings from them. The always "blaming lyn for my own mistakes cause im too stressed out and other people deserve my stress" thing. Or the "im so damn stressed at work cause my job sucks and i want to stop work and start a new career as a LOWLIFEASSHOLE" kicks in. Or even worse, when the "im so fed up with all this shit so lets just sell this house at a very low price cause its recessions period and i dont care about the loss im about to recieve because im making rash decisions now" thing.

Now whenever i leave the house, i'll have to hide my enormous eyes with specs just to cover up my darkcircles that are rapidly forming due to my lack of sleep. -_-" Now tell me why the FUCK is there any reason for me to smile or laugh for fun?? And to add up? I probably did the biggest mistake of my life by agreeing to let go something soooo _________. Yeah. Im a doofuss i know. The biggest damn doofuss there is. GOD i just feel like taking that flight ticket on the 27th and run away from all this shit. There is seriously no where else for me to confide to. No where but here, cause i know people wouldnt normally read the entire post. Do they? Fuck.

Would belgium be a good idea? hell yeah it is. But it wouldnt be right to run away. Still, the temptation to run is so huge right now.